6/29/2014

I Just Want Some Coffee

Customer: I'd like a coffee please.

Barista: Regular or decaf?

Customer: Regular please.

Barista: What size?

Customer: Small.

Barista: We don't sell small.  Our small is called medium.

Customer: Medium Regular coffee please.

Barista: Room for cream?

Customer: Yes, Medium, regular coffee with room for cream.

Barista: Would you like mild, medium or dark roast?

Customer: Dark roast , medium size, caffeinated coffee with room for cream.

Barista: Would you like an extra shot.

Customer: Yes please, dark roast , medium size, caffeinated coffee with room for cream with an extra shot.

Barista: Any flavors?

Customer: Yes please, dark roast , medium size, caffeinated coffee with room for cream with an extra shot, with Hazelnut flavor.

Barista: How many pumps?

Customer: Two pumps of hazelnut, dark roast , medium size, caffeinated coffee with room for cream with an extra shot.

Barista: How about something to eat?

Customer: I'd like a blueberry muffin.

Barista: How about a breakfast sandwich to go with that?

Customer: Ok, I'll have a egg sandwich, along with a blueberry muffin, with dark roast , medium size, caffeinated coffee with room for cream with an extra shot and two pumps of hazelnut.

Barista: Would you like that heated?

Customer: Yes please.

Barista: The egg sandwich and the blueberry muffin, or just the egg sandwich?

Customer: Both please.  Along with dark roast , medium size, caffeinated coffee with room for cream with an extra shot and two pumps of hazelnut.

Barista: How about buying some coffee to go?

Customer: Uh, sure.  What kind do you offer?

Barista: Would you like instant, k-kup or our traditional grinds?

Customer:  I'll take a box of k-kups, along with egg sandwich and the blueberry muffin, both heated, along with dark roast , medium size, caffeinated coffee with room for cream with an extra shot and two pumps of hazelnut.

Barista: Would you like to purchase a gift card?

Customer: Sure, how about $10.

Barista: Which card would you like, there 35 of them to choose from?

Customer: How about this green one here.

Barista: What is your name so I can write it on the cup?

Customer: My name is Barney.  Barney J. Rubble.

Barista: Ok, thank you Barney, that will be $74.54.  Would you like to use your Bux card for this purchase?

Customer: Sure, here you go.

Barista: I'm sorry sir, you only have $24 on this card, would you like to add more money to the card?

Customer: Listen, all I really wanted was a freakin' cup of coffee.  You've asked me question after question, up-selling me on every item and now the bill is approaching $75(.  You've got to be out of your mind.  I'll just go to the gas station and purchase a $1 cup of black coffee.

Barista: What was his problem?  Next customer please.

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